How to Become a Better Communicator with Matt Abrahams

Communication expert Matt Abrahams shares practical tools and insights on overcoming anxiety, engaging audiences, and speaking authentically in any setting.

Matt Abrahams, a communication specialist from Stanford Graduate School of Business, joins the conversation to explore how people can improve their speaking skills both on stage and in everyday interactions. Drawing from decades of experience coaching professionals and students, he offers actionable advice on managing nerves, structuring messages, and connecting authentically with listeners.

Why Memorizing Speeches Harms Your Communication

Abrahams warns against memorizing speeches, explaining that it overloads cognitive resources. When speakers try to recall exact words, they constantly compare their delivery to the script, increasing anxiety and reducing presence. Instead, he recommends having a clear roadmap or structure and being familiar with key points. Using note cards for essential data or phrases is preferable to memorization, freeing mental bandwidth to focus on genuine connection.

Lead with Curiosity to Engage Difficult Conversationalists

For conversations with people who struggle to communicate, Abrahams advises leading with questions and encouraging others to elaborate. His mother-in-law’s secret—saying "tell me more"—creates space for deeper dialogue. This approach draws out reticent individuals by focusing on what matters to them, fostering trust and engagement.

The Power of Structure and Storytelling

Effective communication relies on organizing ideas logically. Abrahams highlights common structures like problem-solution-benefit or what-so-what-now-what to help audiences follow and retain information. Storytelling should be concise and relevant, avoiding long preambles. Starting with the core message ("parachuting in") captures attention and makes the narrative memorable.

Managing Anxiety Through Breath and Presence

Anxiety often manifests physically, such as increased heart rate and sweating. Abrahams recommends breathwork, especially emphasizing longer exhales, to calm the nervous system. Preparing an anxiety management plan and warming up with tongue twisters or light conversation before speaking can also reduce stress. Staying present and focusing on the audience’s needs helps shift attention away from self-judgment.

Movement and Authenticity on Stage

Purposeful movement during presentations can help manage nervous energy and signal transitions to the audience. Abrahams notes that standing still during key points or punchlines enhances impact. Authenticity comes from understanding personal values and communicating from that grounded place, rather than trying to perform or monitor audience reactions excessively.

Using Improv to Build Spontaneity and Confidence

Improvisational exercises train speakers to respond in the moment without overthinking. Abrahams encourages practicing with random prompts or improv games to disrupt habitual judgment and build comfort with uncertainty. This childlike curiosity and flexibility translate into more natural and engaging communication.

Handling Interruptions and Difficult Situations Gracefully

Setting expectations upfront about when questions or interruptions are welcome helps maintain control. Paraphrasing interrupters politely reclaims the floor while acknowledging their input. If a speaker blanks out, repeating the last point or asking the audience a question buys time and maintains connection without drawing negative attention.

Adapting Communication Across Cultures and Neurodiversity

Abrahams stresses the importance of tailoring messages to diverse audiences, including different cultural backgrounds and neurodiverse communication styles. For non-native speakers, the goal is clarity over perfect accent or grammar. Using repetition, examples, and analogies helps ensure understanding and reduces pressure.

The Role of Physical Training in Communication Confidence

Martial arts and sports build bodily awareness and presence, which transfer to public speaking and interpersonal interactions. Abrahams shares how his decades of martial arts practice have enhanced his confidence and ability to stay responsive under pressure, emphasizing the art of connection beyond physical technique.

Practical Tips for Everyday Communication Success

Simple habits like introducing yourself by sharing a passion before your name, warming up your voice, and engaging in small talk can ease social anxiety. Abrahams also recommends recording and reviewing your talks to identify strengths and areas for improvement. Above all, repetition, reflection, and feedback form the foundation of growth in communication skills.